


be quiet

by 2BWonkyo



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Feels, Cats, Childhood Trauma, Coming Out, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Psychology, Rough Sex, Self Confidence Issues, Stuttering, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:40:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27964700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2BWonkyo/pseuds/2BWonkyo
Summary: Being a psychology student sucks, but being a psychology student with a pitifully pretty classmate makes it easier.
Relationships: Im Changkyun | I.M/Yoo Kihyun
Comments: 29
Kudos: 174





	1. nice to look at

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I am in no way romanticizing cheating or toxic relationships, please read the story until the end before any judgement!!!

Kihyun doesn't like people.

Back young, his mother teached him how to breathe in and out and simmer down when he finds himself feeling mad at someone or a situation out of hand. He used to call it a waste of time, hating the old rug he had to sit on with legs crossed until he was calm enough to reason and use his brain instead of yelling nonsense. Pride in the way, he can’t admit it, but Kihyun is thankful. It currently prevents him to yell at people each time he sees a face. Empty eyes and deaf ears in the streets, passerby interactions smell too bad to allow it to ruin his day. Psychology students aren’t guiding lights as he expected either, Kihyun doesn’t get along with his classmates. Good relationships could’ve helped the year to go by faster, but overall, as long as nobody gets on his nerves, it doesn’t actually matter.

Still, he doesn't need to interact to have a bad day. Just watching people make noise, taking space, breathing and polluting gives Kihyun headaches. His lazy dog usually manages to relax him like it did since the beginning of the week. Clouds pours on him since, each morning and each evening on his way walking to school or home without fail. It’s cold, dark and raining, and Kihyun wants to take a hot bath, get into his large pants and take a nap with Duster- that dog he adopted because his studio was way too quiet after he moved alone for college. Not the most romantic name, perhaps, it could’ve been prettier if that dog would stop rolling off the floor. Too lazy for its own good.

_At least, the floor’s clean._

Not like the dirty, dried muddy cat he almost stepped on at a street corner. “Hol-”

A foot in the air, Kihyun holds a brick wall just in time to stay up, disgust shivering through his core when he feels his hand touch the wet, full of germs wall.

_In… and out._

“Ew…” Both feet back on the ground, Kihyun casually dries his fingers on his black baggy pants before he engulfs his fist in his coat pocket's depth, sighing at the thought of doing the laundry later in the evening.

“Psst, com’here.”

A familiar voice then catches his attention as he glances up. Crouched on the ground with a palm full of dry food for the cursed dirty cat is a boy who Kihyun recognizes easily. That scrawny dark haired always sits behind him in class.

It's annoying.

“Oh! Kihyun hyung, hello! Or- good evening?”

His voice is annoying. 

"Hi." Kihyun dryly says. He looks away, ready to resume his way back home. 

"W-Wait…!" 

Silently growling from the back of his throat, the older stands still and looks back. "Hm?" 

"Can I- Can I text you?" the boy asks, feeding the hungry cat. 

Kihyun grimaces. 

"I- … I missed Monday's lesson and our classmates are- kind of… intimidating? I don't wanna ask someone else… Could you send me the lesson?" 

"Don't count on me."

There's an uncomfortable silence, one where the younger probably expected a positive response. 

"Bye." Kihyun leaves and doesn't look back. 

At home, Duster is already sleeping, his shower head acts up again because his bath is in his dreams only, and his favorite oversized pants remain unwashed in the linen basket.

Kihyun had a bad day, hopes the next would be slightly better but still sleeps it off with no real conviction.

  
  
  


“Help me.”

“Fuck off.”

“You don’t even know what I’m talking a-”

“I don’t care, I don’t have time.” Kihyun looks back at his book, reads and rereads the paragraph he struggles on. 

His friend sits on the chair next to his after pulling it back way too loudly for a library. “Have mercy…?” At least, he makes the effort to whisper.

Kihyun inwardly sighs and throws him a tired glare. “What do you want?”

A smile forms on the boy’s cheeks. Kihyun immediately regrets his words.

“Okay so, there’s this closed nightclub on the dead street next to our dorms, and people say that nothing was removed, even the alcohol’s still there!”

“And you believe that?”

“Help me break in next week.”

Kihyun scoffs. “You’re high.”

Lee jooheon is that kind of guy to go to a godforsaken place just to have a good thrill, despite him being born as a wimp. His brain is out of Kihyun’s understanding abilities and Kihyun genuinely wonders how did he make his way until college.

“C’mon, you’re stressed, lately.”

“When am I not?”

“Please?” Jooheon pouts, lips out and cheeks rounds, and Kihyun ignores how a monkey face got a common way to plead. He may not be vulnerable to Jooheon’s presumed irresistible expressions, but if Kihyun wants to be a good friend, he may as well have some sympathy, sometimes. It wouldn’t hurt to be kind, say nice words, smile, enjoy a friend’s company-

“I’m not in town, next week.”

But he's not like that. Jooheon’s shoulders fall with all his good intentions.

_Gotcha._

“You got some girlfriend I’m not aware about?”

“I’m seeing my mom,” Kihyun skips the question. “She insisted on seeing me for my birthday.”

“Fair.” The younger clicks his tongue. “Another mummy’s boy. Awesome”

Kihyun snorts, “You can come, if you want.”

Jooheon’s brows raise up on his forehead.

“We could watch Tv, in front of the fireplace when my mom’s making dinner…” Kihyun mumbles, highlighting Kant's quote. _Happiness is not an ideal of reason, but of imagination._ “On that old rug that I think has never been washed. Perhaps deeply soak in dried blood… God knows whose pet died on it.”

“I- I’m good.” Jooheon stood up, bringing the strap of his bag on a shoulder. “I won’t see you during the holidays, so happy 23rd anniversary in advance, you’re getting old, friend, bye.” And after a pat on Kihyun’s back, he rushes out. 

A light smile on the lips, Kihyun watches the door of the library closing, far at the other side of the poorly lighted room.

Now, he better reserve his bus tickets soon, he’s got a visit in plans.

  
  
  


The Friday before holidays, Kihyun meets his annoyance again. By now, he’s on the verge of thinking that boy lives on the streets. 

“Can’t you let that cat alone for once?”

He usually pays no attention to people whatsoever, but the approaching week-end plays with his mood control, and he reaches his limit to deal with a kid and his dirty cat every morning and evening.

“It’s- It’s hungry?”

“And why do you think it is?”

“Because... It’s a stray cat?”

The wind ruffles Kihyun’s hair as he rushes his hands on his face out of despair. “A cat can hunt, for fuck’s sake. If you keep feeding it, it just comes back to you everyday and soon, it’ll forget how to feed itself!”

The boy stays speechless as the cat leaves silently on its four paws, maybe feeling too concerned in that argument. 

“Did you come last weekend? Did you?”

“We- We didn’t have class, so-”

“If you can’t take responsability and come back every single day, no matter if it rains, winds or snows, then don’t fucking feed it at all!”

Passersby give them some glances, which make Kihyun angrier. He wants to rip his hair out but refrains not to be judged insane, so he sighs. Breathes in and out.

“Since when are you feeding it?”

A silence. “Since… July...”

“Good job, the cat’s dead already.” They both understood the pet will starve during the school break. Kihyun isn’t the biggest hearted guy around, it’s not his fault humanity is so dumb.

“Take it home.”

“Huh?”

“You feed it, you take it.”

"B-But, my landlord doesn’t really- allow animals..." 

Kihyun rolls his eyes. “Then come here everyday, like I care.”

“Okay… I’ll come back everyday then…”

Mouth agape, Kihyun freezes. Words lost at the back of his throat. “Why- Why are you-”, coming back to his senses, Kihyun lets out a dry laugh. It was unexpected. “Do whatever you want.”

Finally, he starts walking again to school, unable to unhear the living stupidity behind his back following him. At least, he doesn’t come walking by his side. Fuck social life, his tongue needs rest, despite Jooheon already pulling at his elbow after his first step in the building.

“Hey! Are you friends with Kyun now?”

 _Kyun?_ Kihyun looks back and sees the boy, standing in the middle of the alley, surprised by so many eyes on him.

“The fuck are you calling him like that? And no.” Frowning, Kihyun tries to remove Jooheon’s arm around his neck. He fails.

“I know you’re late but catch up, dude, literally everyone calls him like that. He’s so cute, look at him, you’ll call that face _Daniel_?”

At a close distance, the boy in question is very much red of embarrassment, feeling left out by a conversation that totally concerns him.

“Isn’t that his name?” Kihyun asks, making it sound more like a warning than an actual question as he manages to free himself from the strong grip.

“In that country, it’s Im Changkyun. Im- Chang- Kyun.” Jooheon repeats, articulating slow and clear, and Kihyun swears to himself that if anyone acts so stupid in front of him again, he’d punch them. “By the way, Kyun, hi!” 

The boy- Changkyun- bows his head delicately as a polite salutation, muttering something under his breath in return. Kihyun doesn’t care enough to listen to the greeting, staring at his round eyes that soon meets his. Dark brown pupils hypnotizing to look at. He wonders how they would look, all pretty and shiny with tears.

“I'm going to the bathroom,” and he looks away.

“Don’t be late for class.”

“I won’t.”

But when he enters his classroom 20 minutes later, he meets _Kyun’s_ eyes before the yelling teacher’s. Fuck. He actually had to wait for the bell to break his drums to release his hard shaft from his pants not to be disturbed by eavesdropping students. His hand doesn’t do the job correctly anymore, it took longer than intended. Kihyun groans at the memory of the dirty stall that he had to hide in for the meantime, but it fit the purpose. He wakes up from his daydream when Changkyun looks down on his books, walking to sit at his place as the teacher keeps on with a lesson Kihyun has absolutely no clue about the topic. Instead, he drops his bag next to the table, then pulls his phone out, realizing with pity that the pain between his legs makes his length twitch again. 

_“does everyone call you kyun for real?”_

The answer takes long to arrive. Kihyun thinks about asking for a restroom pass. _“Hm”_

_“they got the message?”_

_“Hm?”_

_“lets go to the infamous abandoned nightclub next week.”_

_“Jooheon hyung wanted to organize a party for you there, but he thought you were going to see your mother?”_

_"She's dead.”_

The teacher yells at him again, asking for the device to disappear from her sight. Her voice is annoying, so he puts his cellphone back on his pocket. Kihyun notices a notch on the table, and stares at it, his libido too high to focus on whatever is written on the board.

He remembers once having an external hard drive. His little treasure he protected at all costs, oh he loved it. The good old times. He must have accidentally stepped on a cat tail, or forgot to water his plants to be cursed with a little sister. One day, the device was fine, the next, he found it broke with the same notch at the bottom of the stairs. _She doesn’t know how it happened,_ she said. Kihyun breathed in and out. He couldn’t get mad at a 5 years old, but damn he wished he still had that hard drive. With his camera, he could’ve recorded his entrance in that rumored old place in a week, perhaps, some bottles would still be there and he would’ve shamelessly drank straight from it, getting wasted and satisfiedly recording the way his dick disappears through Changkyun’s hole after bending him on the bar counter. He would rock his hips as a teasing often enough to frustrate the boy under him, getting some whimpers out of him, but nothing more and that’s why he’s so addicted to him. It’s way better than a friendly _happy birthday_ surprise party. He hates parties as much as he hates people. 

But he doesn’t hate Changkyun. He’s everything all his ex partners couldn’t give him. Some wanted to top him, dominate him, some were too passive, or too subby looking for his liking and others were just right but acting too intense and it pissed him off. He likes needy submissives but quiet. There’s already so much noise everywhere, at least make the world shut up when he’s enjoying himself.

So Changkyun’s the perfect combination; the boy that gave all the right signals. If he still had that hard drive, he’d save the record and get off on it for a lifetime. 

Because even though Kihyun doesn't very much like people, that dark haired is nice to look at.


	2. boundaries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kihyun daydreams... a lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! thank you for the kind comments!! i hope you will appreciate that second chapter~

On Saturday, Kihyun got up feeling sick. The holidays just before the final exams of the school year are the worst of all. As the faculty closed its doors, the library included, Kihyun finds himself cooped up in his studio, with Duster asking for attention way more often than his patience can deal with. He studies until his brain pangs against his skull, and when he finally closes his books after a sigh, his own smell assails his nostrils as he grimaces. He isn’t so thrilled about the idea of taking a shower though, his cheap shower gel crackling his skin at each use, but the disgust brings his rationality back and he dashes to the bathroom. At the sight of his own reflection in the mirror, bangs wet, tickling his eyes and skin reflecting the light, Kihyun’s mind swings in his fantasies.

He thinks about dark eyes closing in pleasure, repressed whimpers, fingers gripping his shirt because Changkyun always seems too shy to actually take a hold on Kihyun’s skin. He wonders how that boy will do in a shower, naked under the hot stream. That boy with a skin so whiten by vitamin deficiencies, Kihyun remembers how his neck veins pop out when he stops breathing for a moment once he reaches climax. Weird enough, they never tried in a bathroom, and Kihyun’s curiosity is killing him. He would thrust so hard, watching how the younger struggles to keep his hands on the watered tiled wall, not that he would really try to, messy and overwhelmed under Kihyun’s control. He thinks about softer acts, kisses, bites on his shoulder or biceps that Changkyun always ends up doing without fail, regardless of their position. The mouth play turned into a thing after hesitant attempts when Changkyun noticed Kihyun never mentions it, never minds because he truly doesn’t. How desperate Changkyun is when turned on, it’s cute, it’s hot, and Kihyun looks down at the bulge on his pants but doesn’t give in. Kihyun blinks, catching the hair drying on a drawer and ignores whatever he’s feeling. Too worn out to listen to his hormones, the pain of release pleadings are thrown at the back of his head, somewhere until it goes soft again, eventually.

By the time he comes back to bed, he decides to sit down and play that stupidly popular show that is Emily in Paris while slurping his burning noodles to kill time, quivering at the cringe full of cliches story about a crackhead that thinks drinking a coffee more expensive than his paltry scholarship would make her smart.

That’s when the American propaganda gets too much, Kihyun has to close his laptop to stop neglecting his numb painful crotch, reluctant to spare him tonight. He could call _him_ , but the moon rises high with its stars in the dark sky already. So he slides his hand below his sweat pants elastic band, and groans at the touch his body craved for an hour now. It takes longer than last time, itself even longer than it usually does, after the intention to end it as soon as possible. He clutches over the tip, breath getting faster, and shuts his eyes as his head drops on the pillow. Since _he_ came, since _he_ messed up his self control, Kihyun’s gets irritated by futile daily business he used to shrug off so easily before. Just like he used to get off on bad porn, but recently ceased from his own disgust poisoning. Moaning so loudly, it became a vocal competition, _just shut up._ Changkyun isn’t like that. Changkyun shows him he wants him differently, like the way he closes his lids so firmly, drools after a sloppy kiss, whines when their bodies aren’t close enough, he’s so good, so flawless, Kihyun wants to ruin him, overwhelm him so much he’d forget his name, and lowkey run his hand through the boy’s soft black hair, grip it, harder, instead it’s the sheets when he comes on his chest.

He curses nonsense, out of breath, takes his time to stare at the ceiling once he opens his eyes. _It’s bad... It’s really bad._ When did it go out of line this much? Kihyun doesn’t recognize himself anymore.

Sleepy, Kihyun removes his shirt he pulled up his chest at the last second to keep it clean, goes to clean himself in the bathroom and tries not to think too much. 

  
  
  


On Sunday, Kihyun doesn’t get up. Storms grumbled all night, waking him up countless times. He isn’t scared of storms, even finds it somehow captivating and relaxing, but kihyun has always been a light sleeper and his mom isn’t here to cuddle him to sleep anymore. So he closes the blinds -which he forgot to do so the previous day- once he sees the first sunray, and hides back under his covers right away. Safety tucked him, and he didn’t want to start the day, learn his lessons until Duster licks his ear sticking out of the blanket and he understands lunchtime has already passed. Kihyun groans and wipes his ear dry with his sleeve, repulsed by the slobber.

“Why are you so disgusting…” He grumbles when he sits up, dozy and exhausted from the long night. Duster bounces on his forepaws, excited to get its meal and Kihyun remembers it’s a Beagle. Of course it jumps everywhere. 

Dizziness hits him as soon as he stands up, vision going black for a few seconds at the sudden movements. He knows he hasn’t been eating correctly lately, yet he is too broke to try to make an effort. Duster attacks its served dish and lets Kihyun alone, who slightly opens the blinds. The clouds haven’t stopped pouring since yesterday, and he isn’t the type to worry, but as he already skipped this morning’s revising, his mind slipped to useless thoughts. 

_Okay… I’ll come back everyday then…_

Changkyun habitually feeds the stray cat in the morning before going to school and at night on the way back home. Did he? This morning, did he wake up early and went out in the dark, storms and rain just to feed a miserable cat? It’s stupid but curiosity killed the cat -or saved him, there?- and Kihyun catches his phone under his pillow, unplugging the charger.

And for the first time, Kihyun freezes. He doesn’t know what to write. Asking Changkyun if he actually went out in such bad weather _sounds too caring, too blunt._ Even if it’s just out of concern for the cat. _What the fuck._ So he goes to learn the lessons he didn’t in the morning until his stomach rumbles and he has to cook something, anything, rice will do.

It was boring, everything was boring, then he receives a text, and nothing is boring anymore. 

_“Can we meet today? I know you said you're the one who reaches for meet ups but I need it before exams week starts or i'm gonna go feral.”_

Kihyun slides his feet in his shoes, puts his coat on and leaves his flat with a smirk. Jooheon thinks Changkyun is _so innocent, so cute_ when the guy lived half of his life in the states with _Daniel_ as a fucking name. Kihyun is not forcing the younger in any relation when the latter is the one who started their odd friendship in the first place.

So he waits at the bus station near the street where the cat always goes out of nowhere. He watches the cloudy raining sky, he waits. He wonders if Changkyun is going to wear one of those oversized black sweatshirts that make his figure look smaller, he waits. But the first thing to arrive at his feet is that dirty moldy cat, rubbing its body against his high socks. It has a very pale grey fur with a small white spot at the right side of its mouth going down to the paw and a black mark above its eyes, circling the ears. It looks like a crown, and Kihyun can’t hold his smile as he takes the cat on his lap. The lack of reaction from the pet shows how used to humans it must be. Still, he can tell the cat needs care from its odor, there’s even a piece of gum tangled to its fur under its belly. Kihyun tries to pull on it but it’s too dry, he’d have to cut the hair with scissors. The sensation may have hurt the pet, who meows a warning. 

“Sassy much, huh?” Kihyun pets it, giggling. _It’d get along with Duster._

“Hyung?” At the voice, he loses his smile, looking up. 

Changkyun stands a few feets away, drenched despite the hood over his head. He is indeed wearing a sweatshirt, but with another dark jacket on top, dark boots and dark jeans. Dark eyes staring at him behind dark wet bangs. The color stands out from the sick white skin Kihyun dreamed about.

_So dark, he’s intense._

“You took your time.”

“Yeah, sorry, had to go to the store…” he pinches the tip of his red nose, mumbling under his breath and if they didn’t know each other, Kihyun would’ve never guessed what kind of person he is.

“But anyway, why did you insist on meeting here…? You usually come to my flat…”

Kihyun taps the cat’s nose. _Cute._ “Let’s go to mine instead.”

Surprise can be read all over Changkyun’s face, like a cartoon mimic as he blinks. “R-R-... Really?”

“Yeah. I’m too tired to go at yours and come back today.” Kihyun stands up, taking the cat in his arms, keeping on petting it. “Let’s go.”

Changkyun’s legs hesitate to move, moving forward in a robotic manner before following slowly. “Okay… Why are you- holding it? Did I- Did I miss something…?”

“I’m taking it home because you’re too irresponsible I’m worried it may die.”

Changkyun snorts, “I’m offended,” and comes walking besides him, hands in his pocket as a wrench feeling grows in Kihyun’s stomach. He doesn’t divert his glance from his new furball. _Duster won’t be lonely anymore. Good._ “I didn’t know you could go soft sometimes,” he hears Changkyun giggle and feels the need to refute it.

“Don’t insult me.”

“Taking care of pets is a good thing, it’s a compliment!”

“I don’t know how to take care of it, I never had one.”

“You- You once said you had a dog… though??”

“Yeah… it’s my first one, I don’t know how it’s still alive.”

They arrive at Kihyun's apartment, and he worries Duster may get too excited to see other beings after so long closed up, so he chooses to hide the cat in the bathroom for now, since it needs a clean regardless. He was reassured to see the dog sleeping but Changkyun shamelessly _cooes_ , “It’s so cute!” he whisperingly yells, but Kihyun ignores him like he has been doing for half an hour already. Changkyun laughs a lot today. 

_Awkward._

“Don't wake it up.” Kihyun mumbles, putting the cat -he should find a name, it’s getting bothersome- in the sink, slightly turning on the faucet. Perhaps thanks to the bad weather lately, it doesn’t get scared when he puts his palm under the flow, cupping enough warm water to slowly but surely clean the kitten. It doesn’t look older than 6 months old, if he has to give it a guess.

“Hyung,” Changkyun tilts his head in the gap of the door ajar, “are you working out?”

“Um?” Kihyun glances at him a moment, noting the curious expression, then remembers every student doesn’t have a rowing machine next to their bed. “Oh yeah, sometimes…” The cat’s eyes slowly close as he gently rubs the soap behind its ears. It must have been tired. “It was to my mom when she used to work out.”

“Oh.” Changkyun enters the bathroom, hands behind his back. “Is the guitar yours, too?” he seemed to have got the hint and changed the topic, still one Kihyun doesn’t want to talk about. It’s so private, _why are they even talking?_

“It’s a gift for my 16th birthday,” and he doesn’t go further.

The cat gets rinsed and Kihyun wraps it in a small towel, moving it on the countertop. He begins to dry it when he stiffens, a pressure suddenly on his back.

“The studio’s cool and the cat’s cute…” a hand grabs his crotch above his sweatpants, “but you’re not giving me enough attention…”

Kihyun doesn’t know why he let Changkyun in, why he took that kitten, maybe he feels lonely because Duster sleeps too much, but that other pet seems to be the same. He admits his weak spot for quiet beings, and that could explain his annoyance to Changkyun’s every word, too intimate, too domestic he wants to puke. Changkyun, currently in _his_ home, going again with the mouthplay as he nibbles Kihyun’s nape, in _his_ bathroom, and Kihyun’s mind flies back to his fantasies, because it belongs there and nowhere else.

Since already too many boundaries were crossed today.

“Get on your knees.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you're a fan of Emily in Paris, i'm not sorry:)


	3. emotions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> soft kisses under the storms...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I repeat, i am. not. romanticizing cheating. This story has a past context that will be revealed later on. Thank you so much :)

Kihyun thrusts in, once, twice, dizzy as he observes Changkyun’s every reaction. For the first time since the beginning of this hell of a week drowned in lessons, Kihyun manages to actually relax. No light to set his eyes on fire, to sound to disturb him, but only darkness, silence, and a wet warmth around his length that feels like a hug. The cat meows once behind him on the countertop, still wrapped in a towel and Kihyun pays it no attention nonetheless. He breathes out, throwing his head back until it rests on the wall, eyes half closed and blurred. 

It feels good. Changkyun is good. The younger holds Kihyun’s sweatpants on his thighs with weak grips, always so shy to touch him anywhere else. That’s a weird thought considering his lips working around his cock, up and down slowly but Kihyun likes it. However Changkyun does it, he likes it. Mind fuzzy, he fully closes his lids, raising a hand to run his fingers through Changkyun’s soft hair. No strength applied, he curls them around locks, playing with it and Changkyun seems to like it, humming deeply. The vibration sends a wave of pleasure through Kihyun’s core and he thrust again, taking the lead. He sets an unhurried but steady rhythm, a little rough, he knows it: Changkyun likes it that way. After a minute or so, Kihyun tightens his grip slightly, pulling his hair to free himself from the younger’s mouth. Under him, Changkyun catches his breath, dropping his hands on the floor. 

“H-Hyung-”

“Get up.”

“Touch me.”

“Get up first.” Kihyun takes his shirt off, dropping it on the floor like a mop. The bathroom gets hotter despite their clothes still drenched from the rain, intensifying his excitement. Meanwhile, Changkyun tries to untangle his own belt, eagerly and deaf to Kihyun’s words. The older groans in frustration, pulling Changkyun towards him by his collar to crash their lips together. The kiss is clumsy, sloppy but desirous. Kihyun sticks his tongue out and Changkyun instantly gives him access. Overwhelmed by the stimulation, the latter kisses back, unable to gulp although his mouth feels dryer and dryer. But it’s a matter of seconds before Kihyun lets him go, a string of drool linking their lips for a moment. It’s nasty, yet nothing compared to Kihyun’s mind.

“Take it off,” Kihyun says, releasing the boy’s shirt, “take off everything.”

Changkyun obeys, getting up, even though he stays unaware of Kihyun’s intentions. Still puffing, he removes his pants, and soon, he hears the door opening. Kihyun went out of the room, coming back, pantsless and faster than Changkyun's understanding. He doesn't need to think too much at the sight of a condom and lube in the elder's hand. 

"You're so freaking slow," Kihyun arrives, lifting Changkyun's shirt up his head. Both undressed, they forgot their modesty behind long ago, and when Changkyun meets Kihyun's eyes again, he melts in desire. 

"Take me," he goes in for a kiss yet again, sliding his arms around Kihyun's neck. Fast to answer, Kihyun places his hand on Changkyun's lower back, lowering it until his butt cracks. 

"Do you want it?" he whispers between their lips.

"Hm." Changkyun only moans, too eager to focus. 

Kihyun grins, distancing himself to break the kiss. “Then wait for it.” Suddenly, he softly pushes Changkyun in the shower, back against the wall. The cold tiles cause him to flinch, surprised as he brings his attention back to Kihyun, who shamelessly enters a first lubricated finger in his rim, lips on his neck. Cornered against the wall and the stronger body pressed against his, Changkyun feels his lungs out of breath, overstimulated by a pleasure he dreamed about for days, yet not enough to send him to heaven. 

“T-Touch me, please touch me,” His words fly in the air, waiting for a response that never comes. It’s so silent that all he can hear is himself panting, and begging but he’s too used to it to shame himself. “P-Please,” he reaches for Kihyun’s hand, as the older doesn’t listen to him, and tries to lead it to his length, already painfully hard, leaking in precum. 

“I said, wait for it.” Kihyun snatches his hand from his hold, pressing Changkyun’s wrist against the wall above his head with his free hand as the other works the dark haired open. “You’re not so impatient, usually, what’s wrong?”

Changkyun blinks. It’s the first time during sex -or anytime actually- that Kihyun has ever asked if he was okay. He ignores if the question got out without any deeper meaning, but he feels guilty. 

“Finals… Are making me- pretty anxious… I’m sorry- I’ll calm down...” He knows Kihyun doesn’t like it. He knows it, but he still walked on the minefield, blinded by satisfaction. He should go down from his high, be careful before his attitude turns him off.

Which is true. Kihyun hates it when his partners are too intense, too impulsive, too restless, or rather, he thought he hated it. Right now, for an unknown reason, Kihyun enjoys it. Perhaps, the fact that Changkyun has been his longest sex mate weighs on the balance. Perhaps, he notices no matter what he does, Changkyun loves it, asks for more, and never gets bored of him, and Kihyun can’t get enough of this feeling. Being wanted. Desired. 

It’s all he ever asked.

Or perhaps, by dint of meetings, they bonded, and instead of seeking his own climax, own pleasure, he wants to satisfy Changkyun’s as well.

It’s faint, but strong enough for Kihyun to think about it at a time like this.

“It’s okay.” He says, biting Changkyun’s shoulder and sucking the skin. “I’m stressed too.” He doesn’t know why he added that.

“Is it- Is it why you brought me here…?” 

Kihyun interrupts him as he enters a third finger after the second a minute ago, getting some deep moans. Changkyun’s low voice is attractive.

"I don't know." Because he really doesn't. Kihyun treasures his privacy like nothing else, and inviting Changkyun to his place had always been out of question, but since the most important exams of the year approach, he's too nerve wrecked to care.

This is a step, as small as it is, towards a relationship Kihyun doesn't want to think about. Their lives are slowly mixing up, so much that he knows he's going to regret it later.

Thankfully, Changkyun didn't ask further. "H-Hyung, it's- it's a little cold-" 

Kihyun removes his fingers, aware that Changkyun must have prepared himself before coming already, and turns on the water of the shower, suddenly running on them, lukewarm at first, progressively heating up.

"Turn over." He says, and Changkyun does as he's asked, hands on the wall. Kihyun grips a hip, curving Changkyun's back. "Ready?" 

"Yes- Yes, I'm ready, p-please-"

Their hair, that started to dry, flatten on their foreheads by the water, and their skins get warmer. Kihyun takes the condom, rips it with his teeth since his wet hands slip on the wrapping, and slides it on his cock that he takes on the younger's entrance, slowly pushing in. 

Changkyun looks behind his shoulder, giggling slightly between whines of pain and pleasure. "You look- soft with bangs… you should let your hair down more- more often-" 

Kihyun waits for the pressure around his dick to get loose, nibbling Changkyun's nape. His patience gets thinner and he retires smoothly, thrusting in with more strength. Changkyun trembles, struggling to hold himself on the slippery wall as Kihyun pounds down into him. 

"Hey-" Kihyun groans, "I noticed you're stuttering a lot…" He ignores Changkyun's comment, keeping it somewhere in the depth of his mind.

"Yeah, I- I used to stutter since I’m young," Changkyun answers before waiting for the question. "I worked on it, but- I can't control it if I'm not focused, so- ah!" Kihyun thrusts harder, without paying much attention to Changkyun’s speech disorder. It doesn’t make him any less attractive.

“H-Hyung…! Wait, I-” Changkyun cries, struggling to stand on his shaking legs. "It hurts-"

Kihyun suddenly stops moving, out of his comfortable cloud as he focuses on Changkyun. Taking his breath, Kihyun puts his chin on the boy’s shoulder, chest touching his back. "Sorry. Got a little too excited."

“No, I mean- Keep moving- but… my-”

“Oh.” Kihyun figures out his saying quickly and smiles, in a good mood to play. “You mean, this?” he encircles Changkyun’s waist, tightly grasping the tip of his length, and starts caressing it. He begins to rock his hips again, and Changkyun freezes, overstimulated. His throat tightens, the lack of air preventing him to cope with his arousal. Behind, Kihyun slams rougher inside, then snuggles against Changkyun’s neck, enjoying the hot almost burning water still bathing them. 

“Do you like it?” he whispers in a voice so low he doesn’t recognize it, himself.

“I- I like it,” Changkyun gives him the same reply, like usual. 

And Kihyun chuckles. “I wonder what your lover thinks of this. How are they today?”

Changkyun looks at him from the corner of his eye, full of lust and tears, although the water makes it hard to notice. “I- I don’t know, I didn’t talk to him much…”

“Oh, it's a  _ him _ , again.” Changkyun doesn’t answer and Kihyun smiles, getting closer to climax as he thrusts faster.

“I- Ah! I think... he’s doing okay- Ha- Hyung!” 

“Great to know.” These stay his last words. Kihyun fucked him in the bathroom like he dreamed to the day prior. Changkyun is louder than usual, but he doesn’t mind that much. The more kisses he craves for, the more Kihyun gives. It’s cute. He’s cute.

_ He’s addictive. _

Kihyun comes and knows he will need a whole week of calm after this. The shower fills the silence between their huffs, cleaning their mess in the way. He didn’t have to stroke Changkyun any longer either, as the younger followed him instantly. Kihyun finds his mind empty, stress free for a minute, until Changkyun legs give up, and he has to hold him to softly sit him on the floor without any injury.

“I think we gotta-” a barking cuts off Kihyun in the middle of his speech, then another. Duster’s aggressive growls force him to turn his head, and realize he forgot to properly close the door. The cat got out. “Fuck!” He thinks of getting up, but he hates the idea of letting Changkyun, fucked out and exhausted on the floor like a broken toy he had fun with. So he crouches down to his level, petting Changkyun’s hair and getting his wet bangs out of his eyes. “I’m back in thirty- ten. Ten seconds.” Kihyun stands up and rushes out, turning the water off. 

Changkyun doesn’t count, too busy catching his breath and trying to feel his body after such an intense session. His throat burns, his legs nearly convulse. Sitting alone hurts. But  _ damn, it was worth it. _

Kihyun is back with his sweat pants on, the cat in his hands. The kitten is left on the ground, and Kihyun soon approaches him again, wrapping him with a towel to hide his body. Kihyun has always been like that: avoiding looking at his body once they finish. It may be to respect his privacy, Changkyun wants to believe. Or it could be that Kihyun just doesn’t want to look at his very non-feminine body longer than he needs to.

“It’s already 6 p.m… Do you think you’ll be able to go back on your own?”

“Huh? I- yeah…” 

“Stand up.”

Changkyun tries to get up but his nose abruptly itches before he sneezes, the sound resonating in the room. By Kihyun’s stunned reaction, he can tell he’s in trouble.

“Shit- sorry…”

“Are you sick?”

“No I… I was late earlier because I went to buy some vitamins… I thought that I felt tired because of stress, I swear that- that I didn’t know. I wouldn’t have come If I did…” Changkyun lowers his eyes, gulping. He feels like a burden. Things don’t normally follow this scheme. Kihyun would come to his studio, fuck him on his bed and leave just after. And it’s fine. That’s how they wanted it. So what is he doing in Kihyun’s studio obliging the older to take care of him? When he caught a cold, to top it all. They both had one week before exams, now wasn’t the time to lumber him with a sickness. “Anyway, I’m sorry…”

Kihyun stares at him quietly for a moment, sighing. “That’s the worst really…” He bits his lips, seeking for a solution. The rain still pours outside, and the sun settles below the horizon. He doesn’t need to be a genius to understand it isn’t a good idea to go outdoors at such an hour. 

“You’ll have to stay there, I guess.”

Changkyun opens his eyes wide, meeting Kihyun’s. “H-Here?”  _ No. Alert. Red alert. _ “It’s not that late, I can just take the bus, it’s fine-”

“If you faint, whose fault would it be?” Kihyun helps him to stand up for good, and the movement makes Changkyun realize how weaker than he thought he is. His vision goes dark, dizziness hitting him. Kihyun notices his lack of balance and makes him walk some steps. “Sit there.” 

Sitting on the toilet seat, Changkyun watches Kihyun take out some clothes from the dryer. Tiredness slowly overwhelms him, Changkyun closes his eyes, waiting for the older to get dressed. He didn't expect Kihyun taking off his towel, a rush of cold air waking him up. 

"Don't fall asleep yet, idiot." Kneeling, Kihyun, takes one of his calf, putting on some underwear that Changkyun doesn't recognize at all.

"W-Wait, just take my clothes, they're fine-" he blushes, half panicking at the idea of putting  _ Kihyun's _ clothes on. 

"They're still dripping wet so don't be annoying and deal with it." Kihyun says, doing the same with sweatpants, so leading Changkyun to secondhand embarrassment. His face went hot so fast that he knows he must be crimson red, but he ignores if it's due to Kihyun's odd caring attitude or his own vulnerability. 

He can't find the courage to revoke anymore, passive to Kihyun seeing and touching his body to dress him up. This is unusual. Everything is so unusual that Changkyun doesn't react. 

The sweatshirt after the pants, then the socks. Kitty -that still doesn't have a goddamn name- often comes rubbing its body to Kihyun's legs and meows, probably starving. Kihyun pays it no attention whatsoever. 

“Why did you ask me to give you this Monday’s lessons the other day? You were not absent at all…”

Changkyun huffs, an embarrassed smile on his lips. “You never look at me, and I’m always behind you in class, so I thought you wouldn’t notice…” 

Kihyun looks at him briefly to raise his brows, silently asking for an explanation.

“I just wanted to try my shot… to see if you would get mad if I text.” He looks away, faking a pout. Kihyun clearly sees the dejected look he fails to hide, but concentrates back on putting on the socks. He knows it’s his fault.

All of this.

“Well I didn’t. See?” He gets up, finally taking the cat after so many pleading. "Get comfortable in my bed, I'll bring you meds." 

"But… Where-"

"I'll just have a sleep over at my neighbor's place, it's fine." Kihyun cuts him off, leaving for the kitchen. 

Changkyun sighs. His heart is being loud for pitiful reasons, it's time to shut it up, and sleep it off. Overthinking won't help him in any way. 

  
  
  
  
  


"Can I ask you who's that cute boy, though?" 

"No." Kihyun takes the cigarette between his lips, giving it back to his friend, sitting at his left. "I'll start to believe you put cameras in my fucking shower, you creep, how do you even know him?" 

The woman giggles as she smokes. "Just happened to see you two arriving like poor wet puppies by my window, you never invite people so I was curious, don't blame me." 

Gripping his beer, Kihyun takes a mouthful once he rolls his eyes. 

"Is he your boyfriend?" She asks, with a smirking tone that says it all. 

Kihyun calmly ends his drinking, playing with the bottle cap. "In hell, he is." 

"Mister, may I remind you that our bathrooms are literally one wall apart? Did you even think of me?" 

"I was praying you didn't hear, but I hope you enjoyed the live porn." 

She raises her palm, slapping the back of his head. "I swear to God, the youth nowadays…" 

"Soyeon." Kihyun says with a serious voice, that she notices. 

"Hm?" 

"I know you are single but I didn't think you were so desperate to the point of eavesdropping your neighbor having sex-"

"Fuck yourself!" She slaps him a second time, but they both giggle, a comfortable silence setting. 

They have been talking and drinking for 2 hours or so, Kihyun is thankful to have a friend like her. She knows how to cheer him up in bad times. Despite her talent, it doesn't prevent the thoughts from torturing him. Kihyun glances up at the dark clouds, then down at the road, and the height from the woman's balcony makes him shiver. He wonders if Changkyun is cold, too. Despite the number of covers Kihyun wrapped him in, his condition affects his temperature severely. They are not friends, he shouldn’t worry, but if he can, he would say it’s because Changkyun has the annoying habit of being too likable. It’s easy to care for him, even a little, even as a classmate, so he stands by that. That doesn’t alter the awful sleepless night he’s going to go through in a few hours -since he lied, he can't bother Soyeon with a sleep over after he gave her the kitten for the night, Kihyun can't take care of his pets and Changkyun at the same time. Besides, sharing a bed with him is way off limits, even though they didn’t seem to have manifested much today. 

As long as Changkyun recovers, and Kihyun doesn’t catch the cold, everything should be fine. They will take their exams, and keep going with one or two meetings a week, since Changkyun’s body can’t handle much despite Kihyun’s desires claiming for more. It’s going to be fine. Still, it’s easier said than done. He doesn’t know how many days Changkyun needs to fully heal, how many days Kihyun will have to bear without sex, and that’s where the sickness is troublesome. Changkyun needs rest, peace, silence, and time, so he’s going to give him that.

Kihyun doesn’t want to see him so weak ever again. 

“Yoo Kihyun, you brat,” Soyeon bumps their shoulders childishly, snapping Kihyun back to reality. “Are you okay?”

A silence follows. The serious tone makes Kihyun uncomfortable. “What’s with that stupid random question?”

“I worry about you, be thankful,” she complains with an exaggerated lower voice, and he sighs. “You seem out of it. I know finals are coming, but cheer up, stress is ugly on your face.” 

The conversation suddenly becomes too caring, and Kihyun grips a cold bar of the railing to support himself, back on his legs. “I was just wondering if I could sneak in your studio one day because it’s a nice view to get laid on but thank you for your kindness.”

“Ew! You're gross!” Soyeon kicks his calf and he whines, turning back to go back inside. “Go to sleep, cocksucker, before I throw you out by myself.”

Kihyun smiles, content that she dropped her act out. “I’m usually the cock sucked one but-”

“I said fucking go out!”

So he leaves, giggling with a grin on his face that he immediately loses once he gets back to his apartment.

It’s so silent, Kihyun can hear his own heartbeat. Changkyun is there, engulfed in covers, hair sticking out of it, in his studio and  _ his _ bed, and Kihyun hates himself for letting it happen. Nothing ever goes as he wants it. Nothing. An irritating feeling grows as he frowns. A student life is supposed to be boring, repetitive, tiring, hence  _ why is everyday suffocating him like a log ride?  _

_ Hell, he felt emotions he never knew existed.  _

Kihyun quietly walks to the bed, sitting on the edge. The younger sleeps tight, deeply lost in unconsciousness. He looks in pain, frowning and sweating and Kihyun only stares, a hand coming to unstick Changkyun's damp hair from his forehead. He doesn't understand his own behavior. His body acts on its own, but it's not that bad, he thinks. He has nothing to lose. 

Outside, the storms keep on raging. Kihyun remembers Changkyun's laughs, and cries but it doesn't sit right. If they never met that day, would Kihyun feel better? He crossed the boy's way at the worst place, worst moment and that brought a major change. 

_ Fuck _ . He's tired of thinking, trying to get away from his will, pointlessly torturing himself. Under his hand, Changkyun stirs in his sleep, curling up a little more in the bed's warmness. Kihyun watches and admits: it's not that bad. 

…  _ emotions he never knew existed.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know if you liked it!


	4. my marvel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kihyun receives an unwelcomed call and Changkyun happens to be here for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry it's been a while I haven't updated :( kinda unmovitaved lately, please don't hesitate to remind me to update, i personally don't dislike it!! i hope you'll enjoy❤

Changkyun groans. His body feels hot, warm, good as he kisses, touches the skin, everywhere he can reach. 

‘ _You’re beautiful,’_ he wants to say, but doesn’t want his stuttering to be a turn off, so he shuts up. Under him, in this dark room, with arms tangled around Changkyun’s neck, is laying the prettiest person he has ever seen until now. The kindest and the one that holds that special place in his heart. He doesn’t remember how he got there, lust overcoming any other feeling. Still, he is happy and enjoys the moment.

He feels lucky to be accepted between her arms. 

“You’re slow.”

_Ploc._

Until cold and silence wake him up. After a few seconds, he hears a vibrating sound, faint but irritating enough to make him whine and open his heavy lids. The room is still plunged in the dark since he fell into dreamland, forgetting how or why he did, but the reason quickly comes back to him when he sniffs to unblock his nose. 

A light from the desk indicates him where the vibrating phone comes from - because it could be nothing else - and Changkyun moves, realizing his body swims into his own sweat, clothes and sheets wet, he feels sorry for ruining Kihyun’s bed. He gets on his feet, shaking his shoulders by the sudden cold air and walks to the desk, and notices two points. First, there’s an entering call from ‘dad’, and second, he doesn’t recognize his phone.

“Hyung?” Changkyun quietly asks out of breath with a husky voice, hurting his throat. Looking around, he sees the low bed, the rowing machine, boxes and messy stuff with clothes, a guitar, the kitchen space and the door to the bathroom, but no sign of Kihyun. 

_‘I'll just have a sleep over at my neighbor's place, it's fine.’_

Right. Changkyun is all alone. But would Kihyun really let his cellphone here? Did he forget it? Thinking about it, the vibrating sound stops and Changkyun looks back at the lock screen, two notifications showing up. A missed call and a ‘I want to see you, call me,’ message from the same ‘dad’. 

_It may be important,_ he thinks. So he starts by looking in the bathroom, colder and as empty. From what he sees behind the window, covered in water drops, Changkyun knows it’s still night time, and he can’t disturb the neighbors now. What should he do? He feels uneasy, alone in a place that isn’t his. Besides, he won’t be able to fall back asleep until a presence manifests. Lonely nights are the worst. 

The dog basket passes his sight, and Changkyun is abruptly very aware of the dog's absence. Kihyun could’ve taken it to the neighbor with him, but without the basket or its food? Or he could be walking it.

Changkyun puts on his shoes and decides to check outside, ignoring his shaking legs or weak, sleepy current state. The wind and light rain attacks him the moment he opens the door, and his eyes close as a reflex, but thankfully, he won’t need to wander for too long as he perceives Kihyun, crouched down on the floor just in front of his studio, facing the road on the pavement. The dog is indeed here, calmly sitting at the edge of its leash.

"Hyung," he calls, expecting a response, but nothing comes. Closing the door behind himself, he walks slowly towards the older and pats his shoulder, jumping under his touch.

"It's late, let's go back inside." A silence reigns. Changkyun makes a step closer, standing just next to Kihyun. His heart skips a beat when he sees him playing with the plums of a small black bird, immobile and stiff on the dirty gutter. It's dead.

"I tried to make it fly, but it doesn't move." Kihyun says, almost inaudibly, and Changkyun looks at him, eyes round. "Why can't it fly again?"

Kihyun is crying. Tears flood off his lashes, crossing his cheeks, still pale despite the sadness because of how cold the weather is. Changkyun already forgot the poor bird, but spares it a glance, observing how Kihyun doesn’t look away from it, fiddling with its wings hesitantly, like trying to wake it up.

“It won’t fly again, hyung.” Changkyun says wary, talking cautiously. He never saw the older break down, so he doesn’t know what to say or not, how to comfort him, or even if it’s his place to do so. Kihyun’s hand stops at his words, he froze. If his lids still blink, his eyes don’t seem to see anything in front of him. “It’s dead.” 

This acts like a declic, and Kihyun sobs, eyes finally closing and under painful cries. Changkyun joins him down without sitting not to wet his clothes, and it’s only when they find themselves at the same height that Kihyun looks at him, immediately looking away to dry his face. Tears, quickly replaced by new ones. He looks shaken up, as shame to be seen crashes him with one blow. 

Changkyun makes a move, shyly posing his hand on Kihyun’s back and rubbing little circles. He can’t properly get Kihyun’s reaction, as Duster barks when a passerby walks by them, and the older man stands up, patting the dog a little.

“Let’s go back,” he whispers to his pet or himself, Changkyun doesn’t really know, he watches silently, and follows. He avoids questioning, but curiosity kills him inside. _Why is Kihyun crying? Definitely not over a bird._ Besides, his behavior already is usually hard to read, so now it’s even worse. _What is he thinking? What is Changkyun allowed to say, to ask or to do? He doesn’t know, never learnt how to behave around Kihyun showing weakness._

So Changkyun observes his every movement, delicately sitting back on the edge of the bed and fiddling with his nails like a punished kid.

Kihyun removes Duster’s leash, and checks his phone for a few seconds, probably reading the message, then drops it. Literally slides his phone on the desk and lets his phone drop on the floor in a loud bump. Changkyun jumps, unaware of the real cause for his shock. Is it because he had this perfect, neat, clean, careful image of his hyung, or because he realized Kihyun is not only sad for unknown reasons, but also mad? Apparently. 

Again, Changkyun tries to read him but isn’t sure of anything he’s assuming. It’s almost scary.

“Who was it?” He still asks to break the silence and pretends he doesn’t already know the answer. Deep down, it’s also a way to see if Kihyun will be honest with him. Not that he has to be. Changkyun recognizes the stupidity of his question. It’s not his business, Kihyun will never respond to him.

“The piece of shit that happened to be my dad.”

Yet he did. The younger blinks while Kihyun fills Duster’s bowl with dry food. Or Changkyun thought it was for the dog, until he saw a cat on the pack. Kihyun must have gone to buy some food for Kitten when he was sleeping.

 _Wait._ “Uh?”

“That bastard’s the worst asshole you can meet and yet he thinks I’ll spend my mom’s death day with him, he can drop dead for all I care.”

Changkyun feels his body sink in the mattress as he stares, dumbfounded. So Kihyun is on bad terms with his father. The news slaps him in the less expected moment, its brutality doing most of the surprise, actually. _Who talks this bad about their own parent?_

“Why…?” The word slips through his lips unconsciously.

It shouldn’t have. Kihyun stops moving, arm half way to close the cupboard he placed the dry food pack in. But not long after, he leans on the sink, and despite his back turned, Changkyun can tell he sighs from the way his shoulders move. Kihyun doesn’t answer, taking a clean dry glass -that must have been washed the previous day- on the counter, turning on the faucet to fill it with water. Changkyun looks away, feeling bad for worsening his mood.

The next minute, Kihyun is standing next to him, handing him the glass that he gladly takes. He didn’t realize how thirsty he is. 

“Thank you.”

“I’m going out.”

Before his lips touch the cup, Changkyun raises his eyes again. “Where?” 

“To my mom.” Kihyun tries to put his shoes on, looking behind his shoulders when he feels Changkyun’s stare on him. The silence says it all. _But she’s dead._ “To her grave.” He corrects, going back to focus on his laces.

“Is it her- the day- today?” Changkyun loses his words. He doesn’t want to say _death day._

Thankfully, Kihyun catches it. “No, it’s in a few days. I just want to go.”

Gloom then hits the younger like a bullet, heart crackling when he figures out how dejected Kihyun is at this moment. More than he thought. Changkyun should have got it. Kihyun is not the kind of person to easily move to tears, yet he did earlier, proving his pain, so huge that he has to seek comfort in his deceased mother.

Now he ignores if Kihyun acts like this by proud to ask for consolation, or because he doesn’t trust Changkyun for it, but still, he has to try. Letting him like that is beyond cruel.

“Hyung,” he stands up from the bed, walking to the other carefully. Luckily, Kihyun doesn’t play stubborn and pays attention to him, meeting his eyes once he crouches down to his level. “We’re in the middle of the night.” Changkyun unties his laces, slowly, glad there’s no resistance. “Let’s sleep, yeah?”

By the time he looks at Kihyun’s face again, he sees the latter never tear his glance away from him. They’re close, too used to it for them to be basic friends, still, not close enough to kiss. He blinks when Kihyun leans in, engulfing his nose in Changkyun’s neck. 

“Hyung…?” Heart beating faster, he tries to calm himself not to be exposed, in vain. He can’t control anything his body and soul feel, enjoying the warmness.

Then he hears Kihyun take a deep breath, in and out. “You stink.”

“Wow, thanks.” Any other day, Changkyun would have pretended to be offended, but when Kihyun giggles, putting some distance between them with a smile on his cheeks, the idea escapes his mind. _Now, it’s right._

“I’ll change the sheets, can you take a fast shower by yourself?” Kihyun whispers, taking off his shoes.

“U-Um, yeah… I feel better…” Changkyun stutters, frozen in the spot. _Does that mean they’re going to sleep together, or is he dreaming?_

“Don’t take too long,” Kihyun pats his shoulder, standing up.

“I’ll- I’ll be very fast!”

“Not too fast, dummy, clean yourself properly.” He giggles again and Changkyun melts. There’s too many sides of Kihyun he witnesses for the first time tonight, and he doesn’t need a mirror to know he must be crimson red.

“Yes- I- See you lat- soon, fast. Anyway, I’m- coming back…” Changkyun doesn’t miss the teasing smile on Kihyun’s lips when he enters the bathroom to hide himself. If he had a shovel, he would bury himself six feet underground. _Kihyun perfectly knows what he’s doing. There’s no other explanation. Or maybe his breakdown fucked up his brain and he couldn’t maintain his usual facade. Possible._

Changkyun prefers not to think about it, and simply showers in five minutes chrono, unless Kihyun decides otherwise, entering the bathroom with new clothes. 

“Are you done?”

“Hm.” Changkyun brushes his hair back off his forehead, taking the nearest towel.

“You didn’t have to be so fast, it’s okay.” Kihyun approaches him, not so discreetly taking a look at his body as he gives him a green hoodie and dark pants. 

“What?” Changkyun laughs, casually drying himself. “Wanted to join?”

“Who wouldn’t?”

Confused by the somewhat compliment, he slides his arms in the sleeves of Kihyun’s sweatshirt ( _are all his clothes this soft?_ ), keeping his mouth quiet. Better not say anything than embarrassing himself. He rushes to put the boxer short and pants on as hands come rubbing his scalp with the towel. 

“I feel like your fever is worse than before.”

“A good night sleep, and it will drop soon….” Changkyun mumbles, avoiding his eyes. _He was violently taken against the shower wall in this same bathroom a few hours ago, why is he acting shy for some head pats...? Doesn’t make sense._

_“Are you hungry?”_

“Let’s just sleep… for now.” Not that Changkyun isn’t flattered or excited by the mere thought of eating with Yoo Kihyun, but he can’t handle any more tonight. Without mentioning his body ran out of energy. 

Kihyun hums, throwing the towel in the laundry basket, excited the room with the younger, who stands still, awkward in the middle of the small studio. 

“Just lie down.” Kihyun tells him, removing his pants and socks. 

“Hm… Yeah.” Changkyun sits on the bed, pulling the clean cover above his body. _It’s so warm, soft, comfortable,_ and his thoughts shut down when Kihyun joins him, passing over his body.

“Sorry, the wall side is for me.”

“Hm.”

They lay next to each other in the dark. Some rain droplets pop against the window from time to time, the cat is unable to stay calm for a few minutes and Duster yawns, but still, the silence reigns to the point Changkyun can hear his own breath against the cover, as he hid under it. He wants to know if Kihyun sleeps or not. They might be facing each other, he can’t see anything, and no matter how sleepy he is, his body remains awake.

“Hyung…?” he whispers in a huff, unsure if the other even heard it. 

“Hm?” 

“Why weren’t you at your neighbour’s place?”

Kihyun takes a while to answer, and Changkyun thinks he fell asleep. “She has no room for me, I lied.”

“Oh.” He won’t question it. At least not now. “And… Earlier… If you were in one hell of a state… Was it because of your dad?”

“It’s a little personal, what you’re asking there.”

“I’m sorry.”

“But yeah. It was. Any more question?”

“No.” Changkyun closes his mouth, curling up a little more. Enough for today. He continues to be silent, Kihyun does too. And Changkyun thinks, feels downhearted, _that’s not gonna make him less lonely, this mess …_ “Actually, just a last one…”

Kihyun grumbles. “What…?”

“Is it okay…” he gets his body closer to Kihyun’s until his forehead touch his torso, hidden under the blanket, “if I do this?”

“Whatever.”

So Changkyun closes his eyes, happy. They’re not kissing, moaning each other’s names, hugging, or laughing, but sleeping in the same bed, innocently, and he knows nothing they ever did made them closer. What they have at that moment holds more worth than the world’s marvels.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm going to update very regularly, so please look out for the next chapter ><


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